I recently started a relationship with Robert, a crush I've had for 10 years. We met as young teenagers, flirted back-and-forth, but we never acted upon those feelings. After knowing him for about a year, my family moved out-of-state. We have communicated via phone and email on and off for the past decade. I was so taken with him that one of my serious relationships ended because of my draw to Robert.
As fallout from that, this past December, I had a frank conversation with Robert and we agreed to meet and clear this up once and for all. So what happened? The love I had always felt (from 10 years ago!) was still there, and it brimmed when I saw him.
We've been dating for 3 months now. I'm finally getting a chance to get to know him better and make a more informed decision about him.
So why am I here? What's the problem?
There are things I'm too embarrassed to share with even my closest friends...
#1. A week before coming to see me, he slept with his girlfriend of 7 months and only AFTER that, broke up with her. It broke my heart when he told me, but I couldn't walk away from him... I feel disrespected. If anyone else did this, I would end it then and there. However, I couldn't with him... Should I?
#2. I am a medical student. He is a mechanic. I don't mind that difference, but I fear that (should this turn long-term), being a bread-winner in my relationship might make me feel like a parent to him. I am fundamentally much more motivated and driven than he is. He flies by the seat of his pants and lives for every moment while I am more forward-thinking. Does that spell incompatible?
#3. He flaked on coming home to my family this spring break. Granted, he was called to work. However, I believe he could have said 'no' OR he should've requested off time before committing to that holiday with me. So... I went out to him (drove those 200 miles) so that I could see him. We spent time with his family instead. But, guess what he did? He didn't tell his mother I was coming over for dinner... I told him to, but he didn't. I wish he had! For me, it felt so embarrassing to just show up like that. He insists that the etiquette between my family vs. his family is very different. Maybe it is... but I still have a problem with that...
#4. He seems self-absorbed. He usually doesn't ask me details about my day unless I stay silent on the phone line at the end of the night.
#5. He has "been with" 8 women. My number is 2 (1 of which is him). I feel very cheated by that...
Yes, every relationship has problems... and yes, our relationship is rich with other very good things. He loves me dearly, he regrets #1, #3, and #5. He always calls me back when we fight. He always expresses himself to me. He cries over me. I love how passionate he is, how compassionate he can be. But I fear that this relationship may be DOA b/c of our disparate value systems...
I do, I want to be with him, but I am sincerely struggling here... Am I sacrificing my self-respect? If I can do better, should I? I love him, but I also love myself.
Thoughts and advice welcome. Please, be kind.
| Reply via web post | Reply to sender | Reply to group | Start a New Topic | Messages in this topic (1) |
http://www.relationship-talk.com
Finding the Love You Want
The Cure for Being Single...When Nothing Else Has Worked
http://www.findingtheloveyouwant.com
The Emotional Freedom Technique
A Powerful Tool For Relieving Negative Emotions and Pain
http://www.EFT-Alive.com
No comments:
Post a Comment
Finish Reading ? Make Your Comment Now..!