Hi,
Uff its such a mess, I know its tough to digest the situation.
Its very tough to get someone we can love and some one loves us.You are Fortunate to get this.
For a my advice is just stay calm, i know you cant look beyond your girl friend now, do your duty that is takin care of your wife, daughter, your work etc. Let this happen with your 100%, dont worry.Its no point in Betraying your wife at this point... so you please be with her- its your duty.
well with your girl friend as she is in state of shock and deeply in love with you, she is feeling that she cant leave without you... please stay by her side as a friend nothing more than that....things will surely improve as you concentrate and focus on your Duty.. she will surely realise and she will think of her life..this is true, this happens. Just leave it God (if you belive in) else time factor everything will set right.. till then dont dedicate and be emotional with your Girl friend, instead show your care and affection towards your family and work. sure enough things will improve, even you will have some strength to handle the situation.
Hope some thing have sense in my thoughts for you.
Regards,
Madhu
--- In Relationship-Talk@yahoogroups.com, marie lucas <marie_lcs@...> wrote:
>
> to the man who wrote this were are you from we live in the usa and we don't kill our wifes for cheating I agree that the man cheating is scum but men and women cheat are we going to kill all human kind NO.its wrong and I think he should own up to what he did.this women did not ask her husband to lay down with this dog this home wrecker she is entitled to the truth they mad voles before god and if you belive in god GOD SAY THOW SHALL NOT LIEÂ
>
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>
>
> marie
>
> --- On Sat, 3/9/13, Mohammad Fawad <fawadakhtari@...> wrote:
>
>
> From: Mohammad Fawad <fawadakhtari@...>
> Subject: Re: [Relationship-Talk] Re: Married to one, in love with another.....
> To: Relationship-Talk@yahoogroups.com
> Date: Saturday, March 9, 2013, 1:47 AM
>
>
>
> Â
>
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>
>
> Hey Man (Married to one, in love with another...)
> Â
> Hope you have dealt with your situation. If not, here is my advice for you. I think you should never let your wife know about this other lady you were/ are in love with.
> Â
> 1. Delete her all email, phone numbers and etc never contact her again or at least tell her you can no longer continue this relationship.
> 2. Never let your wife find out about this never and ever.
> 3. Save your marriage, its better than the new relationship, a lady here said to you in an email that it is always easy to find a new connection rather than fixing the current one. So if you even get together with this new lady you might end up having the same kind of relationship you have with your current wife no?
> Â
> 4. The divorce rate in Europe and US is up anyway, for God’s sake do not increase it. In Afghanistan we say that, a women will die in her house but will not go out with the name of divorce from a house.
> Â
> 5. In Afghanistan 80% of the cheaters mostly men who cheat tell their wives about their cheating and their wives don’t usually care as long as they don’t marry another women. But I know in the US it is not the case cause I have been there. Because the equality of men and women has just been brought up in the last 50/ 100 years in the world but for millions of years the equality thing was not there so if a woman in the US for instance finds out about a man’s cheating she usually prefers to leave. I know some are bored in the relationship as well that is why they get divorce because there is already a notion that you can always leave if a partner is not loyal but in the east it says you can never leave your partner even if he or she is not loyal. However, there is always an option to leave a partner but the notion is not there from the beginning that is why most of the marriages are successful here.
> Â
> I suggest you completely cut your new relationship and stick to the old one because fixing the old thing is always better than fixing the new thing.
> Â
> I hope this helps.
> Â
> Cheers mate, Fawad
>
>
> Â
>
> From: E
> Sent: Friday, March 08, 2013 3:19 AM
> To: Relationship-Talk@yahoogroups.com
> Subject: [Relationship-Talk] Re: Married to one, in love with another.....
> Â
> Â
>
> Oh boy, what a situation! Since you asked for opinions, here is my two cents... Obviously there was something missing in your marriage but unfortunately you did not confront yourself nor your wife on the matter. Maybe you didn't know what the problem was, how to bring the topic up with her, or even admit there was a problem because you were ashamed?
>
> In any event, it is always easier to find a new connection than to fix an old one - as you found out. No doubt you have feelings for this other woman because you put forth the effort to make a connection with her. But this is a "safe" relationship in the sense that you have no responsibilities to this other woman and it's fulfilling a fantasy at the moment. She lives in Germany and you here - if you are serious about her, there are logistics to figure out (which country to live in, jobs, seeing kids, etc). Your other woman does not pose any problem YET because there are no real demands. Sooner or later she will ask for a commitment, don't be fooled. She said she would wait for you for 20 years because losing the connection with you was too painful. Your wife must suspect something but is trying to connect with you now, which now of course is confusing you.
>
> In the end, you have to decide which relationship you want to put forth the effort. You can most definitely fix your relationship with your wife, but honestly I think you are scared. Do not be fooled by the fantasy other woman though. It feels good now because there is no responsibility, just fun, but there is a reason why they say "the grass isn't greener on the other side". BUT... if you truly did love this other woman she would need to leave her husband which we have not heard that side of the story yet?
>
> For your own piece of mind, I think you owe it to yourself and your family to try and seek professional counseling to try and save your marriage first. But to really give it your best shot this would mean breaking it off with this other woman completely.
>
> I wish you luck on whatever path you decide. Either way it will be a difficult one.
>
> --- In mailto:Relationship-Talk%40yahoogroups.com, marie lucas <marie_lcs@> wrote:
> >
> > I mabe should stay out of this but you are a cheater and the other women is a home wreacher you made a commitment to your wife and child and you betrayed them both it does not matter how you met this women or were. you let it happen knowing you had a family and doing all this behind the women that you vowed to love forever.and you had a child and now your not just doing this to your wife but your kid too you may love this other women but how much do you really love her when you lied to her about your family ?and she is willing to be the other women behind your wifes bacwkhat kind of women does that how do you know if you leave your wife and child that she will not leave u and go back to her husband you need to come clean with your wife and see if your marriage is worth saveing and don't cheat and if your marriage cant be saved then see if the other wome is worth it and also look what your doing to her marriage men are such ass holes good luck
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > marie
> >
> > --- On Thu, 8/30/12, Michael Shel <sheldon.mike75@> wrote:
> >
> >
> > From: Michael Shel <sheldon.mike75@>
> > Subject: [Relationship-Talk] Married to one, in love with another.....
> > To: "mailto:relationship-talk%40yahoogroups.commailto:relationship-talk%40yahoogroups.com>
> > Date: Thursday, August 30, 2012, 3:49 AM
> >
> >
> >
> > ÂÂ
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Hi,
> >
> >
> > I don't know if I'm in the right place for this. If I'm not, I apologize beforehand.
> >
> >
> >
> > I've been married just 3 years. I have a daughter who just turned two.
> >
> > My wife and I have been having kind of a rocky marriage for about a year now. Kinda early, I know. But, thats the way it is now. We love each other, thats not the problem. Our problem is communication. We are both rather strong-willed. And, as such, we can't seem to talk. We end up quarreling, and then giving each other the silent treatment.
> >
> >
> >
> > Anyway, a few months ago, I met this woman online. I was not trolling for women to flirt with (I dont do that sort of thing). We met on an international penpal forum.
> >
> >
> >
> > She's married too, residing in Germany.
> >
> >
> > We started talking. Soon, we were chatting several times a day. Eventually, our talks became closer......more intimate.
> >
> >
> > Here's the thing : all this time, she never knew I had a wife and kid. I told her the truth about everything else in my life......except that.
> >
> >
> >
> > To cut a long story short, we fell in "love".
> >
> >
> >
> > In June this year, I flew to Germany to meet her. We spent two days in a hotel, and it was wonderful. We both realized we were in love.
> >
> > After I returned home, this woman and I continued our daily talks, but this time it was more intense. We were on the phone for hours every day. We sent each other dozens of emails....... we chatted on skype........we chatted on yahoo..........and each minute we spent, our love only deepened.
> >
> > Except, I was in a fix. She did not know I was not single, and I could not bring myself to tell her the truth.
> >
> > Every day, my heart got heavier and heavier with guilt. Not so much about lying to her, but because I knew what it would do to her once she knew the truth.
> >
> > Eventually, she told me she was ready to leave her husband, and start a life with me.
> >
> > This was the last straw. I wanted her in my life; I loved her as much as she loved me. But..........I could not let her take such a step, without telling the truth.
> >
> > But, instead of being a man, and just telling the truth...............I chose the COWARD's way out : I tried to break it off with her.
> >
> > I tried everything I could think of : I stopped calling her.......I stopped sending emails. She responded by calling me even more, and sending even more emails.
> >
> > Our talks on the phone became shorter, my replies to her emails became shorter. I did not respond as often to her text messages, etc
> >
> > She knew something was wrong.
> >
> > Every hour, she called me and asked : "Michael, what's wrong??"
> >
> > And yet, I could not tell her the truth. I tried everything I could think of : I told her I was ill, and could not talk. She offered to fly to me, and take care of me. So, I changed tactics : I told her I had to go away on a business trip for a while. She had no intention of letting up with the calls and emails and texts.
> >
> > By now, she knew something was seriously up. She begged me to video-call with her on skype, so we could talk. As we chatted face to face, she asked me point blank : "I know there is something you are not telling me. Just say it, whatever it is"
> >
> > I tried to change the subject; I tried to find any and all excuses possible. I tld her that she would be happier and better off without me. I told her that I was not good enough for her.
> >
> > I even said ---- "God help me" ----- I even said that : I had found someone else.
> >
> > But, she kept saying : "I dont believe any of that. I know you. Tell me the truth. What aren't you telling me?"
> >
> > And, thats when they came : the tears. They ran down my face, and I could not stop them.
> >
> > When she saw them, she said : "Michael, you are married, aren't you?"
> >
> > And thats when I realized, that she had probably suspected it for a while.ÂÂ
> >
> > I told her everything. Wife, daughter, everything.
> >
> > She cried, I cried. And, our chat ended.
> >
> > She was devastated. She was crushed.ÂÂ
> >
> > I sent an email to her. I hoped it would be the last email. I told her that I was sorry for lying, and that I loved her more than life. And, I hope she would find someone much better than me someday.
> >
> > To my astonishment, she replied back later that day, saying that it made no difference if I was married. She wanted to be with me.
> >
> > She said she was not going to steal me away from my family. She knew she could not have me. But, she would settle for being the "other woman" in my life. She said : she would rather be my "secret affair", than not have me in her life at all. If that was all I could offer her, she would gladly take it. And she made it clear that : I was free to do whatever I liked. She would not stand in my way. But, I should not send her away !!!
> >
> > She said : she would gladly wait 20 years, if I would one day be with her.
> >
> > I didnt know what to say. I thought I had lost her for good. (Even today, i still tell her that she should have dumped me right there and then, because I deserved it!)
> >
> > Every day, she tells me how much she loves me, and wants me.
> >
> > The truth is : I feel exactly the same about her. I think about her all the time...........every minute of every day.ÂÂ
> >
> > About a week ago, my wife started to notice the change in me. I was spending a lot of time on my phone, writing and texting. I was absent-minded. I always made sure I had time for my duaghter, of course. But, once my daughter was asleep in bed, I withdrew into myself. I hardly spoke, hardly talked with her.
> >
> > She suspected something was going on. I don't know what she thought, but she suddenly changed. She started to talk to me more and more. She no longer sought a fight with me; instead, she sought my advice, my help in everything, even the most trivial issues. Something she never did before.
> >
> > Basically, it seemed like she was trying to get back close to me, as we were before.ÂÂ
> >
> > Maybe, she guessed I might have found someone else; and, now, she is trying to fix things with me. Or, maybe it's just my imagination, I don't know.
> >
> > But..........to be honest, I liked the new change. I had indeed missed having a certain closeness with my wife. I missed our talks. I missed how we used to share everything, talk about everything.
> >
> > Then, there is the thought that keeps bugging me : as a husband and father, I have a responsibility to do whatever I can to fix my marriage, and make it work.
> >
> > And, of course, the guilt is there. I had cheated on my wife, and she doesn't know it.
> >
> > To top it all off : the woman I cheated with is not just some bimbo I met and had sex with. I am in love with this woman. Madly in love.
> >
> > I just dont know what to do now ((((((((((((((((((((((((
> >
>
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