Hi my name is Tamitha and I am new to this group this year. It appears after doing a search that I was a member of this group back in Feb 2005 but only posted a couple times....don't really remember now why :)
Here is a little bit about me. I have been married for almost 18
years and together for over 25 years. The first 17 years my husband was a VERY active alcoholic but I was very committed and faithful to the core. Then in 2001 I met a friend over the internet and through her I met another woman who is a lesbian. I have always been interested in women but other then a one night experience with my best friend in high school I had never been with one. This woman Vicki and I became VERY good friends but I ended up over a few month
period developing feelings for her and falling deeply in love with her. It was hard on our friendship for awhile but we ended up becoming and are still pretty good friends. I stopped posting here a few years ago when I finally let go of the fact that her and I were not meant to be together and things have been pretty good between us as friends since. That was probably about 6 years ago, that I detached from her some and my feelings changed. Thank goodness!
Now however I find myself maybe in another situation. I am currently still with my husband and though we have still been having problems, some with him drinking but I think mostly because of me and maybe me going through menopause. I have been trying to leave him for the last 4 months but he doesn't want me to and talking me into staying. At this point I know I love him but not sure if I'm still in love with him but it's really hard to throw away 25 years together and also it's hard to know that I'm breaking his heart if I do.
The problem I'm facing now and the reason I am back here is because I just started a job in January and there is this guy that works here named Paul and the other girl that works in the office here Angie and him have been good friends for the 5 years that they have worked togehter and they joke around with each other and even sometimes grab each other and etc joking around. Well after a little while of working here Paul and I got to joking around too. We even was
texting each other all the time and the texting got pretty detailed and heated. We were even touching each other under our clothes, talked about meeting outside of work and etc. Well then he put a stop to it because I'm married and he was feeling bad about it and feeling quilty and etc. Well we stopped for about 2 weeks and I talked him into starting it up again...it went on again for about a week or so then he stopped it again. I have been bummed every sine he put a
stop to it. I know in the beginning I enjoyed it because I was getting the attention from him that I wasn't getting from my husband but now that my husband and I are doing good and he's showing me all kinds of attention I didn't think not getting the attention from Paul would bother me but it really does. And I don't understand why it bothers me so much.
In the 25 years that my husband and I have been together we have had some rough times together. Especially the first 17 years when he was drunk almost everyday but I have never physically cheated on him which I am glad but I have emotionally and with Paul I did physically to a point. we didn't have sex but we did just about everything else so technically I did cheat huh? I feel really bad about it in a way but I also know that if given the chance I would continue doing it and that is just NOT who I am so basically I am back to this group to
see what everyone thinks.....I really don't think that I love Paul but I am MOST definitely attracted to him.....
Any thoughts would be GREATLY appreciated!
Tamitha
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