[Relationship-Talk] Exhausted

 

I need a place to vent, a place where I can get a non-bias opinion, and don't have to pay $150/hr.....Hope I've found it!

I'm a mother of 4 plus a step daughter (10). I had 3 prior to my current marriage and we had one together. His, mine and ours! My oldest is 17 now and I have twins that are 12. Our baby girl is just over a year old. My alcoholic husband has pretty much been unemployed the last two years for one reason or another. When we met my children and I lived where we all do now, my parents home. Prior to meeting my current husband I had been asked to move back to help my folks out. Of course being single at the time it was also very helpful for me too! My father is retired and my mother had been laid off. I decided to stay and we added on to the house. The house will inherently become mine and I treat it as such. It is our home. We had been there a little over a
year before I met my husband.

I realize how difficult it had to be moving into this situation for him. We have tried to make him as welcome as we would anyone. We've tried giving him 'responsibilities' or asked him to take on tasks around the house...all we ever hear is 'it's not my house'. Fact is he's L A Z Y!! He sits in the dark all day watching tv. He does watch our baby girl but my dad is home as well and has offered many times to help so he can look for work. He applies for the whole 5 jobs a week that is required by unemployment! Over achiever I know! Oh...I have a very good job and work Monday - Friday (leave the house at 6am and get home at 5pm). I ALSO am now working a part time job 20+ hours a week to help make ends meet!!!! I also do all the laundry for all 9 people in the house. One of my daughters has been banned from our living quarters and my husband wants nothing to do with her. So at dinner time..if she's home I have to pick whom I'm going to have dinner with, my family or him. I've asked him to quit drinking and in fact our therapist fired us. Telling him that until he quit..nothing else will ever resolve itself and that it was a waste of his and our time and money to continue to see him until he quit drinking.

A little background on the issue with my daughter...she's 17 her boyfriend also 17. She had her wisdom teeth pulled and was in rare form from the anesthesia and pain killers. Asked if her BF could come to the house and watch movies, etc. Of course I said. Normally I don't allow them in the upstairs living room alone but figured I'd be up checking on her myself, etc. I gave her a pain pill, asked my husband to take one up to her at 11pm. Well when he went upstairs both of them had fallen asleep on the couch, fully clothed and he flipped out. Told the BF it was time to go home. BF didn't respond as quickly or as my husband expected so he pushed the kid. While I completely understand the frustration my husband felt....and asking him to leave...he didn't have to touch him....at all. Because he did BF's mom filed charges which now my husband is under probation for a year and has to take a anger management class. AND has cut my daughter from his life. Problem I have...REALLY...she was on pain pills, wasn't actually caught in the 'act', these were consequences of HIS actions not theirs and SHE'S 17 years old!!! No I don't condone them having sex in my house...but she's almost an adult and she has to learn to make good choices without me.

Needless to say when he announces he's going fishing for the day or overnight the ENTIRE mood of the whole house changes and it's light, fun and no one misses him. It's sad really.
I'm feeling like I'm at the end of my rope here...I am running out of patience with this man!!

Okay....enough of venting for the morning!
Thanks for letting me share!

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