[Relationship-Talk] Re: Confused....

 

I am so sorry to hear about your troubles. You are definitely not alone. For my two cents...

(1) I think you would find it very helpful for you to see a Social Worker by yourself to help you through this. Someone just for you to confide in and seek guidance. Maybe find one that does EMDR therapy (breakthrough technology revolutionizing therapy today).

(2) Perhaps you should also continue to see a separate counselor with your husband too, even if it's a once-a-month kind of thing. Couldn't hurt, right? Any addition (sex,porn,drugs,alcohol,eating, etc) stems from something. He probably still needs to uncover why it happened in the first place to truly be free from it. They say it usually stems from some sort of personal trauma in their childhood. This is why EMDR therapy may help him too.


(3) Also read some books you think would be helpful - there's a ton out there.

Just because you took him back, of course it will be quite the process for him to gain your trust back and for your to trust yourself to love again. Hopefully you both understand it's not an overnight thing (no matter how much you want it to be faster, haha). Everything in life is a process, and if you want to speed up that process for yourself (and your marriage) I think professional guidance would be excellent.

I wish you all the best in your journey. Keep us informed okay?

--- In Relationship-Talk@yahoogroups.com, "nottinger66" <nottinger66@...> wrote:
>
> I am new on here, first time ever " doing this". Here it goes....
> Been married to same man for 18 years this month. Had some rocky roads in past, kids, finance..etc. Did some counseling, got past it, things were good... Or so I thought. 2 years ago was slammed in face with the worst. I found some phone pics he sent to co-workers. I confronted him, even told him to move out. He denied everything, was a co- worker who got ahold of his phone playing games. Said co- worker called me an apologized... I dealt with it..moved on. A year later he got fired from his job for taking a costumer personal phone and sending her dirty pics to his phone... WTH! He admitted to it and previous pics (with co-worker). Said he lied because didn't want to loose me. I was crushed.. Wanted him to leave. We talked, he begged me to stay... Confessed it all... Addiction to Internet porn (which I suspected and had been an issue for a long time), co-worker pics, getting fired... Then he dropped the "I'm so ashamed, I think about killing myself". I let him stay, we did counseling. Took a long time to get thru this. He doesn't use the computer anywhere but in a common area of the house now. Things seem to be going good... With one exception. Me... I can't get past this. I think about everyday, wait for the bomb to hit again. I have forgiven him, but I don't think I trust him. Can I ever get past this? I have told him what I can or cannot live with (computer stuff, phone stuff). He has complied with all... Not at first but once he realized I meant it he did. I know he loves me, is a good provider, good to kids.... But this is always in back of my mind. I do love him but wonder if it's enough. How can i trust and depend on him ever again? We are not as close as we used to be, because of me. He tries but I'm always holding back. Guess I'm afraid of being hurt again. Maybe I should try counseling by myself. When we went together the counselor made a statement to me. " you need to figure out what YOU can live with". Maybe some soul searching is in order... We have 3 kids.. 26, 24, & 16. Kids aren't an issue, I have a good job so support is not an issue either. In could survive on my own... I have thought about it... Don't know why I stay, other than i do love him. Any advice out there?? Thanks, N
>

__._,_.___

Reply via web post

Reply to sender

Reply to group

Start a New Topic

Messages in this topic (29)

Recent Activity:

• New Members 7

Visit Your Group

Relationship-Talk.com: Expert Advice on Love & Dating
http://www.relationship-talk.com

Finding the Love You Want
The Cure for Being Single...When Nothing Else Has Worked
http://www.findingtheloveyouwant.com

The Emotional Freedom Technique
A Powerful Tool For Relieving Negative Emotions and Pain
http://www.EFT-Alive.com

Switch to: Text-Only, Daily Digest • Unsubscribe • Terms of Use • Send us Feedback

.

__,_._,___