Hi there.. it is very tough spot, situation you are in... i did not get that from your email, if he has cheated or it went as far as just sending pics... It takes long time to build the trust and good rappoport... If you will be looking for the same as it was, it will not happen and you will be exhausted looking and waiting for it.. I would suggest, if you feel you need to get therapy do... But i would look for new things to fall in love with or be attracted to...
he gave up all this stuff to be with you - that means you are very important part of his life... It will take to re-build trust... and only time will tell if that happens... You will go thru other experiences and that will help you in building back the relationship.. But it won't be the same... It will be different... Hopefully diffferent good :)
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--- On Mon, 3/18/13, Nancy Ottinger <nottinger66@yahoo.com> wrote:
From: Nancy Ottinger <nottinger66@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: [Relationship-Talk] Confused....
To: Relationship-Talk@yahoogroups.com
Date: Monday, March 18, 2013, 11:10 AM
| No, my kids are not really aware to whole extent. Just something happen and he lost his job, we did counseling. Donx27;t feel itx27;s their place to know whole story. If I left I would b fine financially, wouldnx27;t go into detail with them as why.. No ones business but mine.
Hubby did look/up and attending a few sessions of SAA meetings, did counseling on his own too. The counselor told him he didnx27;t think he was a sex addict based on the fact he wasnx27;t spening money, going to bars or picking up prostitutes. So hubby stopped going, I was a little pissed the counselor would do this. I told him what I expected and what I could and could not live with... As far a his actions. We have went on from there. His computer use is limited (his doing). So far he has done/not done everything I have asked. Itx27;s me... I look at him differently and donx27;t know if I can get back what was lost. Before all this I had never doubted him once... I know it will take time, but will it ever be same as before? How can I get that back? See? Confused. Lol. |
From: xogenevieveox@gmail.com <xogenevieveox@gmail.com>;
To: Relationship-Talk@yahoogroups.com <Relationship-Talk@yahoogroups.com>;
Cc: Relationship-Talk@yahoogroups.com <Relationship-Talk@yahoogroups.com>;
Subject: Re: [Relationship-Talk] Confused....
Sent: Sat, Mar 16, 2013 10:21:11 AM
I think the longer couples stay together then the less likely that they will separate. Sex is an enormous drive which can become an addiction. It would be a wonderful World if couples just stuck exclusively to each other for sexual gratification, but as we know there are so many temptations with such easy access. It can start just out of curiosity. I am sure your husband genuinely is trying his best to make you feel you can trust him again. Are your children aware of what has happened and how would you explain it all to them if you split up. Would you be able to stay friends or would that be that. I don't think it would be right to advise you what to do. Only you can decide x Jules x
Sent from my iPhone I am new on here, first time ever " doing this". Here it goes....
Been married to same man for 18 years this month. Had some rocky roads in past, kids, finance..etc. Did some counseling, got past it, things were good... Or so I thought. 2 years ago was slammed in face with the worst. I found some phone pics he sent to co-workers. I confronted him, even told him to move out. He denied everything, was a co- worker who got ahold of his phone playing games. Said co- worker called me an apologized... I dealt with it..moved on. A year later he got fired from his job for taking a costumer personal phone and sending her dirty pics to his phone... WTH! He admitted to it and previous pics (with co-worker). Said he lied because didn't want to loose me. I was crushed.. Wanted him to leave. We talked, he begged me to stay... Confessed it all... Addiction to Internet porn (which I suspected and had been an issue for a long time), co-worker pics, getting fired... Then he dropped the "I'm so ashamed, I think about killing myself". I let him stay, we did counseling. Took a long time to get thru this. He doesn't use the computer anywhere but in a common area of the house now. Things seem to be going good... With one exception. Me... I can't get past this. I think about everyday, wait for the bomb to hit again. I have forgiven him, but I don't think I trust him. Can I ever get past this? I have told him what I can or cannot live with (computer stuff, phone stuff). He has complied with all... Not at first but once he realized I meant it he did. I know he loves me, is a good provider, good to kids.... But this is always in back of my mind. I do love him but wonder if it's enough. How can i trust and depend on him ever again? We are not as close as we used to be, because of me. He tries but I'm always holding back. Guess I'm afraid of being hurt again. Maybe I should try counseling by myself. When we went together the counselor made a statement to me. " you need to figure out what YOU can live with". Maybe some soul searching is in order... We have 3 kids.. 26, 24, & 16. Kids aren't an issue, I have a good job so support is not an issue either. In could survive on my own... I have thought about it... Don't know why I stay, other than i do love him. Any advice out there?? Thanks, N
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