Everything was going well, so a few months into it I invited him to be part of the lease. His response was no bc he felt that it was bad for the relationship. (I began to make him pay rent at month 4) For a long while we would cont. to argue bc he didnt want to make the move-in official, yet months kept passing without any sign that he was moving out. I voiced how his lack of commitment towards taking the next step in the relationship kept counteracting his actions of "living with me" and how this was beginning to take a toll on my self esteem and feelings towards us. Eventually after a few break-ups and heartaches I decided to come to terms with the fact that he just isnt ready for that type of commitment with me. At the same time we both established (7 months into living together) that he would move out within 30 days. Now, 2 months after the 30d deadline, he has noticed a difference in me. I no longer put any effort in pushing him to be cleaner, to be more active, and have little to no patience when he makes suggestions on how to make "our living situation more comfortable". I've explained to him that in the beginning I was active on maintaining the house neat and tidy (cleaning up after him) because I wanted him to feel comfortable as a guest. No longer being considered a guest, due to his lengthy stay, I began to push him to be a cleaner more considerate roommate, once I realized that both approaches only earned me the feeling of being taken advantage of with out any sign of consideration, multiple arguments regarding missing established cleaning duties, eye rolls, and a quick snap attitude like a child, (such as turning the lights off while I'm voicing my reasons for being upset, spraying me with the water sprayer we use when my dog barks, threatening to throw my phone, honking the horn while I'm driving, and even threatening to either shut off the car while I'm driving us in the highway.) I decided to draw back and only do my fare share. Thus leaving his mess to roam free. Now, 10 months after the move-in (temp) stay he has become actively voicing that the house is dirty, that dishes are stacked, and that we are "stagnant" in the relationship. This only infuriates me to the point that I always remark in a condescending voice, "this is what happens when you disrespect and take advantage of your girlfriend." Every time, I respond that the only reason he sees a mess, and feels things are dirty is because I am no longer cleaning up after him. All dishes that he sees are his and because he waits so long to wash them he forgets that they are even his to begin with. Recently (last night) we went out for dinner and a movie, everything was going well and at one point he mentioned that we should organize the fridge. I told him that once upon a time the fridge was always clean and that if he wished for it to go back to that time then he is more than welcomed to clean it himself and I will do my share to maintain my half of it clean. Now, inside I was furious! I absolutely HATE that he does not understand that by him saying that WE should do something like this together, when the plan is for us NOT to continue to live together is confusing and wrong. Yet he feels that I am in the wrong. We ended up getting into it at a bar, and his way of shutting me up was by calling me a ***** and then grabbing my glass as if to pour it on the bar, he knows that I would get quiet in order to not cause unwanted attention. A few minutes later as we were getting ready to leave he apologized. Only this time, as it has been for the past 2 months, I told him that his apologies no longer hold any value to me due to the history. We cont to argue and I voiced all the opinions and reasons I have for feeling and behaving the way I do (now). By the time that the bus came and I was turning to my seat I realized that he decided to ditch me. He ended up staying out for 3 more hours, coming home, grabbing his pillows and a blanket and falling asleep on the couch. Then to make matters worst at the wee hours of the night he manages to sneak his way back into bed, only bc the couch I have is really uncomfortable, because the only reason I realized that he was back in bed was because I woke up in the middle of the night to him rearranging himself so that we wouldn't be touching. I want him to move out. I can't stand the way he treats me, I cant stand how selfish he is, and I cant stand how immature he is towards this situation. When I say how him not moving out while constantly making it obvious that he doesnt want to live together is only ruining our relationship he only turns it around and says I'm on my period. Its been 11 days since we last spoke (told him he had to move out in 14 days). I told him I needed space, because at this point verbal communication only leaves me livid due to his lack of understanding about the situation, but that he is welcomed to text or email me when ever he wished. I have yet to receive any text or any form of apology, his stuff is still not packed. Has my boyfriend been using me this whole time?
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